it’s time to surrender
I had a very different email ready for you today.
However, everything shifted when my daughter was exposed to covid at daycare a couple of weeks ago.
She started experiencing mild symptoms (including saying she was tired and then just going to bed. Also, where can I put in a request that we can keep that part?? 🙃)
A few days later her rapid test came back positive.
(The results took less than 4 minutes!! It was not like any pregnancy test I’ve ever seen!!! 😬).
While becoming one with the couch and on an endless loop of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” and “Encanto” aka the dancing movie, I had so many feelings wash over me from dread to fear and anger to anxiety.
So as a recovering perfectionist and Type-A: my brain immediately went into planning mode.
When can she go back to daycare? What does this mean for us? Do we have covid? And on and on and on….
Then to my surprise, when I woke up the next morning, I had a sense of relief that I hadn’t felt since 2019 when our baby was born. Deep exhale.
I was relieved that she finally (is that the right word?) had covid and was experiencing very mild symptoms.
There are so many others that this is not the case and I had a strong sense of gratitude for this life and for her.
With so many feelings opposing each other: I checked in with my intuition (which for me lives in my gut).
I also sent a voice message to a trusted friend to vent. (I made sure to warn her that it was a venting session at the beginning in case she didn’t have space for that then.)
In her response, she said the word surrender and it hit me like Moana’s ocean bff.
Let me rewind a bit.
My hubby and I have been joking for a while that if we didn't have a kid we'd have been WFH (Working from Hawaii) with neither of us requiring an office since the pandemic started.
(Also I see how this greatly conflicts because I wouldn’t have a business if the birth of my daughter hadn’t brought it to fruition. I digress…)
When I heard my friend say surrender I truly felt the relief of the fear, thoughts, anxiety, planning that I’d been holding onto mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I’d been afraid of traveling with her on a plane because she won't wear a mask properly, afraid of sending her to daycare, afraid of being with unvaccinated friends, afraid afraid afraid…
We have all been living in some degree of fear of this virus for over two years.
It felt so foreign to me to finally have it in our house. I didn’t know what was possible or needed to happen anymore.
The GRATITUDE I have is that she has minor symptoms and we had minor symptoms. I’m also grateful that I have created a career that allows me to do what I need to do.
And now it was time to surrender and take time to heal all three of us because we finally have mental space to do it.
So we are going to take this as an invitation to surrender and visit our friends who moved to Hawaii in February. We leave tomorrow. (We had so many points saved up from not traveling!! I’m so excited).
When I decided this I heard my thoughts yelling, but we had plans for February! And you were going to do start your coaching program in March!!
You’re going to throw this all away to GO ON VACATION?!!!!
Ummm, yes. 🏝
I recognize these voices now as reminders that my mind wants to feel safe, that it wants to belong, and it doesn't want to do things out of the norm.
Instead, I am shifting everything one month and re-remembering that I am building this business with an emphasis on sustainability and not doing ALL THE THINGS we’ve been told we need to do.
There is space for disciplined work and also rest.
I am here to show you that you don’t have to #DOALLTHE THINGS and push through. You can take the time you need for yourself because you deserve it and are inherently worthy of rest and relief. #permissiongranted
When I told a friend that we were taking a last-minute trip to Hawaii and she said, “I just love talking to you because you remind me all the time that there are no rules and we can do whatever we want when we want.”
So I’ll be back at the end of February (don’t worry you’ll still see me on the ‘gram and sending out my weekly love letter to you).
Aloha, my love,
Nic
PS. There are no rules and you can do whatever you want when you want. Seriously.
PPS. I am not a healthcare professional and this is not advice to do whatever you want during the pandemic and put yourself or others at risk. This is an invitation to look at your habits and thoughts to really see where you’ve been impacted by this virus and give yourself some compassion and grace for being in this traumatic situation for 2+ years. You’re doing more than enough.
