my fatal flaw

I need to tell you something.

Yesterday my lips unbeknownst to me, turned up into a smirk across my face and our therapist noticed right way.

From her Zoom throne, she said:

Nic, what just happened for you? I noticed your lips turn up.

Let me rewind for you (#pleasebekindrewind).

Right before this smirk, my husband, who’s still in pain and will be for the next 4-12 weeks, said he was hot, which was legit since it was 80 degrees in SF yesterday.

When he said that, I immediately and automatically suggested a solution to his problem. I suggested he take off his shirt.

Like LOL. He’s a grown-ass man, if he’s hot he knows how to handle that. Also, can you imagine having a therapy session shirtless? WTF?

This automatic problem-solving shows up everywhere in my life and at that moment I had just become very aware of it and how it affects my relationship with my husband.

I then went on to share about how I’m noticing a habit right now of trying to control and fix everything related to our family and my business right now.

And apparently, my mouth was amused by it.

Our therapist went on to talk about how I was bringing awareness to one of my fatal flaws (btw this needs a new name).

Like in any hero’s journey, the fatal flaw is a tool used most often in literature to describe something within our character that leads to our ultimate downfall and can also be a strength when we are aware of it.

When we are aware of it, we notice and can take action or just notice it coming around so it doesn’t lead to our downfall (again and again and again).

When we are unaware of it (more common) it loops around and creates resistance and conflict in our being each and every time and eventually will lead to our downfall (think: burnout, imposter syndrome, overwhelm, trying to control everything, etc.).

For the past five weeks, while my husband has been focusing on his recovery, I have been in charge of three people's worth of work: there's the stuff that I take care of, the stuff my husband does, and the stuff that we share.

Below, you can see an excerpt from my journal where I mapped out everything I was doing. I keep reminding myself that it’s a lot because it is (objectively) but because of my “fatal flaw,” I believe that I can handle it.

Since I’ve been giving myself fully to our family, I haven’t been able to fill my cup in any capacity, I have been understandably tired, irritable, short-tempered, and cranky.

Last week when we sat down for dinner, my husband said some things to me that really made it clear that I was living out of alignment with my values, especially my family value.

This past week, before having a name for this “fatal flaw” of controlling things and trying to handle it all, I had actually decided to take action in the opposite direction (which is what our brilliant therapist pointed out).

• I canceled all of my calls this week and moved them to next week.

• I paused and refunded the Career Confidence Collective.

• I took off this entire week to just focus on my family, our home, and my birthday.

When I'm in a scarcity mindset, I think fuuuuuuuck, I'm canceling all my calls. I'm never going to talk to these people again, my business is going to fail, I’ll never be able to… (notice the fatality of these thoughts).

And when I switch to an abundance mindset it opens up the spaciousness around that the clients who want to work with me will find me at the perfect time for both of us.

In the abundance, it is safe for me to rest and take care of myself and my family. And it actually supports the highest good for me, my daughter, my husband, my present and future clients.

When I fill my cup and give from the overflow everyone wins.

A few weeks back, a client of mine was mid-negotiations with a tech company and she said to me, that her family informs her career, and if this new job she wanted wasn’t ok with that, then she didn’t want to be there.

Her next job would take her whole self or none of her. #micdrop #fullbodychills

As I noodled on that, for the past couple of weeks, I thought wow, if I create this business, and I turn into a monster wife, then all of this isn't worth it and I’m letting my business inform how I show up for my family. #nope

And I’m realizing, thanks to the wise words of my client, that my family also informs my career. That I don’t need to be an asshole boss to myself and continue forcing myself to do more than I can handle.

So I'm really proud of myself for noticing that my fatal flaw is trying to handle it all.

And this time around, it will not lead to my downfall.

With love,

Nic

PS. It’s my birthday this week! To celebrate, please join my new Facebook group to get full access to me and have your questions answered.